As someone who works in communications in our contemporary society, I have a special fondness, passion or some might call obsession with social media. It’s kind of a requirement. I love the ability to send a message directly to your friends, customers or community members and get their feedback in real time. I love the ability to share my life with my family and friends, many of whom live far away. I must admit that often I almost curate my life for Instagram-worthy moments. And I get a rush when my posts receive a lot of engagement and feel hurt when I bare my soul to get less than 5 likes.
Another thing that I love about social media is the ability to get insight into the lives of celebrities. I was never the type to care about them but Instagram has made me obsessed.
The difficulty with being bombarded with images of celebrity lifestyles is the insane envy I get when I see their pictures. The women I follow are all gorgeous, mostly all thin and quite fit. Their clothes are probably tailor-made since they are super flattering. And the bikinis – I haven’t worn a bikini in over 7 years. Sometimes, seeing all those flat, toned stomaches makes me sick.
I’m totally on board with the body positivity movement and love that our society is starting to appreciate all shapes and sizes. But when I look at myself in the shower, the mirror or a photo, I can’t help but feel terrible. I can’t tell you how many times someone has mistakenly thought I was pregnant. That is how much of a belly I have. I also find myself consistently fascinated with the size of other people’s arms in comparison to mine.
You would think this self-disgust would motivate me to go to the gym and eat healthier and work harder to trim down. I am trying. But I find myself constantly finding excuses not to exercise and watch Netflix instead. I find myself always choosing dessert after dinner, even if I’m full.
I’m hoping if I commit to my goals in writing here that it will motivate me to push myself. That we can support each other in our mission to feel comfortable in our own skin.
Above all, I wish I could consider myself beautiful. I did once. I don’t anymore. I hate my skin, my hair, my shape.
This blog and community is meant to be a positive and encouraging place and this all sounds quite negative, doesn’t it? But the point is also to have a support system and be free from judgement and able to share our hopes, dreams and fears. I do hope to lose weight but I would rather love myself as I am and feel confident.
How can we get there? This blog will try to figure that out.
Share your thoughts in the comments below!