I’ve always envied sitcom friend groups. Rachel, Ross, Chandler, Monica, Phoebe and Joey. Marshall, Lily, Ted, Barney and Robin. Alex, Dave, Jane, Penny, Max and Brad. The type of friends where you are so close and so emeshed in each other’s lives that you always have Saturday night plans without question.
When I go through periods of depression, watching their fake lives always makes me sad that I don’t see my friends every day. It used to make me feel lonely, boring and lame.
Moving to a new city was isolating. I was far away from my old friends and felt left out of their adventures. I also felt on the outskirts of my local friends, as I wasn’t yet a regular fixture in their lives and I didn’t quite fit.
I was impatient. Scared. Anxious. But these things can’t be rushed. Friendship takes work and commitment and kindness and honesty. Friendship should still be easy and come naturally, but you first need a foundation of trust and love.
I do feel like I have that now. I have many good friends who I care about and who care about me. I feel excited about my life and I don’t dread the weekend anymore. I have such amazing friends that I don’t need to see them every day or even for a year, but I still know that they value me and my friendship and we are still as close as ever.
But you don’t need a lot to feel supported and happy. You can just build a bond with a few special people or even just one. What matters is that you give as much as you take and that you respect one another.
If you feel like no one understands you, please do not despair! The Internet makes it so easy to connect with other people with similar interests and mindsets. The website Meetup.com is a great tool. I’ve used it to connect with an amazing book club called the Toronto Girly Book Club. I’ve gotten to read books I would have never read otherwise and I even made a friend who I see occasionally outside of the club.
This community that I am trying to build will also be one that you can rely on. I will always be here for you. Just leave me a comment, send me an e-mail or tweet at me. We can talk. You are never alone!